Between our crazy work lives, social plans, making it to the gym, travel, and much-needed time to recharge on the couch with Netflix and wine—where's the time to date? If you’re one of many who finds dating to be exhausting, overwhelming or otherwise stressful, it’s the first thing to go when your schedule fills up.
I get it. Dating is tough. I also get that we can't avoid dating completely. If we’re looking for someone to share our busy-awesome lives with, we have to get out there to find our person.
I'm all about helping you to integrate dating into your life so it can feel more effortless, and less exhausting.
After all, this is DATING we're talking about-- it should be fun!
You might think that being on every app under the sun will maximize your chances of finding your person. In reality, we just end up feeling burnt out, deleting all the apps and starting over again 3 months later... am I right? If you narrow it down to an app or two of your choosing (we suggest avoiding swipe-based apps as they are addicting), you can be more intentional with checking in, following up with people you’re interested in, and calling it a day.
Days or weeks of messaging back and forth adds up to a lot of time and energy wasted, and oftentimes those convos fizzle out before we ever even end up meeting. I recommend spending no more than 48 hours messaging before getting a date in motion, so you can actually feel out if you both vibe IRL. I love The Round because you literally get a match and a date for that night or the next. #nopenpals.
Speaking of creating time for your IRL dates, you have the power to time-block your first dates. Grabbing a happy hour drink before dinner plans with friends or an hour-long coffee date is totally appropriate; just be sure to communicate up front that you have plans after (or a set end-time), but would look forward to meeting that person in your free window. Consider how you can kill two birds with one stone and do something you actually wanted to do anyway on a date; think: grabbing tacos and checking out that local art exhibit you’ve been eyeing or grabbing smoothies and taking a walk somewhere scenic (and public, of course) to get your steps in!
Eliminate the stress of what to wear, and the extra hour of trying on everything in your closet, by having a few favorite date outfits that you re-wear. Think: daytime coffee date, evening bar, outdoor athleisure look. Easy peasy!
How does this relate to simplifying your dating life, you ask? Isn't the easiest, least time-consuming thing of all to just not respond if you're not interested in seeing someone again? In reality—each situation we leave open without the closure of a simple "thanks, but no thanks" text is a subtle drain on our energy (not to mention super unkind to the other person who's hoping you might reach back out any day now...). Also, being intentional with your matches helps reduce the times you have to ghost, which makes your life easier, too.
I suggest you have a straightforward, kind, and copy-paste-able response saved in your phone, so that you don't need to over-think, over-stress, or otherwise make dramatic what should be a very simple conclusion.
The truth is-- most people you meet won't be a fit, and that's okay. In fact, that's just part of what dating is!
But here's the great news: when you take a look at your approach to dating, find adjustments to make dating work for you and your life, and show up in a way that feels good to you, you'll be able to find your person so much faster :)
For more information on Evin and her work as a dating coach, you can check her site out here.
Evin helps you make the most of your time and energy while dating intelligently.
Don't make these dating app mistakes. We're here to help.
Get the conversation going on your first date.